Living in Our Swimsuits

We are home.

Back to the familiar things we missed while we were gone: Our own beds. Central air conditioning. Blake's stuffed Curious George who he greeted with a warm embrace. My husband who we missed dearly for two and a half weeks.

Blake is at his very first fathers and sons campout. Thinking of him discovering tents and sleeping bags for the first time and roasting marshmallows late at night with his dad delights me to no end.

Life is orderly here. The simplicity of it all is therapeutic and peaceful. Yet our hearts are still reaching back to the warmth of the lake, the chaos of bouncing from one activity to the next, the sounds of seagulls squawking and waves crashing, and the fact that we lived in our swimsuits all day long.

I found that digging a hole for Nash was a good way to keep him entertained...and confined.

There was a lot of sand castle building.

And a little yoga on the beach.

How we love that place.

Although I loved coming home after weeks jam-packed full of memories there, I will always consider the sandy beaches of Michigan to be my home as well.

I'm so glad it is becoming just that for our children too.

We brought back plenty of Lake Michigan sand in our suitcases to last us until next time :)

The Thing About Teaching

I'm beginning to realize that just because one "big thing" or event is over doesn't mean you can stop and take a breather. Another "big thing" is always right around the corner.

This week turned out to be the week of nonstop teaching for me. In addition to the regular yoga and prenatal yoga classes I teach, I was in charge of hosting and teaching our home preschool Valentine's Day Party.

Then, I was asked to teach a yoga class to the ladies at church for a "slow down & be healthy" weeknight meeting. That night inevitably ended with me being doubled over in pain, as the walnut (I'm allergic) that I didn't know was in the "healthy" muffins digested.

It was also my turn to teach the lesson to all of the primary children at church for sharing time. And the whole Stake Primary Presidency was in there observing because it was ward conference, adding some additional pressure.

You would think that teaching classes would be a breeze for me by now, considering that I have a degree in education and have had a little experience under my belt teaching children and yoga classes. But I still get those nerves in the pit of my stomach every time it is my turn to take charge. I still spend hours preparing. I still go back and forth on ideas for presentation. And after the events are over, I agonize over what went wrong and what could have gone better.

What was I thinking including so many scriptures during sharing time when I was trying to engage a huge group of antsy children?

Did I even remember to talk about the sound the letter "i" makes at preschool? Could I have been any less prepared when it came to throwing together the Valentine's Day card holders for the children?

How incredibly distracting was it when my ipod speakers kept going in and out during our "slow down" night at church?

Did I really get confused about my "right side" and "left side" in front of my prenatal yoga class where I was supposed to be the professional? (I do the poses in mirror form towards the students, trust me, it gets confusing).

Sometimes I wish I could just have a complete re-do of the classes I teach. I would do so much better the second time around, not making the same mistakes.

Or not put myself under the stress of teaching at all. It would be so much easier to breeze by without ever having to be "in charge."

Troy keeps reminding me that the students will forget everything I said ten minutes after the events end (especially three year olds). But the perfectionist in me still gets frustrated that I'm not more confident. That my words don't flow more smoothly. That maybe an ounce more of preparation might have made the difference. 

But that is the thing about teaching. Once something is taught, it's out there. There are no re-dos. No going back.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy helping people grow. I love to see that expression on my students' faces when they hold a pose they never thought they'd be able to attempt. I love when the material presented might have changed or inspired someone to change or be a little better. I truly am honored to be entrusted enough to guide others with my limited base of knowledge.

I have a feeling that I am far from being done with teaching. Teaching opportunities are always going to pop up; that is inevitable. I'm going melt into a bundle of nerves again. I'm going to agonize over what went wrong. I'm going to panic the moment the spotlight becomes mine and then walk away with sweet relief when it's all over.

Maybe someday I'll be able to walk into a teaching position, with all eyes focused on me, and feel completely certain and confident. I won't miss any of the points I wanted to make. Maybe I'll be able to take the "me" out of teaching altogether. I won't worry if my words are completely fluid, if my poses are perfect, if I am doing it right. I'll be able to make it completely about them. 

Or maybe everyone else gets just as nervous as I do.

Regardless, it made my heart spill over with relief when the sweet primary girls "heart attacked" my front door with little notes of appreciation. After all of my agonizing, it was the little pick-me-up I needed until the next teaching opportunity comes knocking at my door, and then I'm sure I'll be right back to square one on the scale of nervousness.

Nostalgia

I always get really nostalgic around this time of year when everyone is going back to school. I miss buying fresh school supplies and books and receiving a crisp syllabus from each class. I miss the bustle and excitement of the first day of school. I become so jealous when I hear others talking about their first week of classes and sharing their opinions about the professors and workload. I miss how obtaining an education challenged me.

That's why I love how teaching yoga challenges me in a way that being a mom doesn't. Don't get me wrong, motherhood can sometimes be the most challenging and frustrating job in the world. But teaching yoga brings in a whole new realm of trials. Preparing and diligently studying for my yoga classes allows a sea of memories to flood in from my school days.

Pouring over the notes.

Organizing the outlines.

Considering every perspective.

Memorizing the details.

Practicing the presentation.

I love how my mind is stimulated and my knowledge is refreshed when I prepare to teach. It makes me feel more balanced when I do hard things. I don't want to cruise through the weeks and months without learning and growing.

I always go into each new class with a pit of nervousness. I feel underprepared regardless of how much time I have put into preparations. I am so relieved when it is all over and I can relax for a week until I go through it all over again.

But, in the end, I love that teaching invokes feelings of nervousness and deep reflection and analysis within me. Otherwise, how would I ever become a better teacher and a more well-rounded person?

So, I was pretty much on cloud nine last week while earnestly studying and preparing for my new classes. I even did yoga while studying yoga. Not intentionally. That's just how I sit. Ask my college roommates. Sitting on my heels puts me into intellectual mode and helps me to concentrate. Which is why practicing and teaching yoga suits me perfectly.

Debut

Tonight marked my official yoga teaching debut. My fall class was cancelled because they didn't advertise it in time, but tonight, my class was packed with 14 preggos. I've never been to a prenatal yoga class with more than 4 students, so I could not believe the response! Troy took a picture of me with all my gear before I left as if it were the first day of school.

I have to admit that I was SO nervous to be in charge. This class has consumed almost every thought I've had for the last week. I've laid awake at night going through worst-case scenarios and considering every possible factor that I could mess up. I've felt sick to my stomach. I've stressed over the music selections, the perfect way to sequence the postures, the difficulty level, the memorization of the flow, and the way my students would perceive me. I've wondered what in the world motivated me to take this job in the first place. I've even had nightmares about my music not working and having to kick students out of class for talking too much. Troy has given me countless pep talks.

Well, I made it through. Was it perfect? No. But, was it a disaster? No. I have been trying to tell myself all day that I'm not going to be a master teacher at first, and that I offer only what I have to offer. I should be more worried about my students than if they like me, if I am doing everything right, if my poses are perfect, and if my words are fluid. I am overall very pleased with how the class went. The timing worked out, I remembered to do each pose on both the right and left sides, and though just barrelling through was my main objective, it seemed like everyone was following along. I know that everything has to have a beginning, and hopefully this will be the start of a journey that I will enjoy and be calm and confident about in the future. I am glad to be moving on with my life and putting this first class behind me. I should probably start preparing for our baby that is due in 5.5 weeks that I have done absolutely nothing for! I hope he doesn't come early because my yoga class lasts 6 weeks...awesome timing, right?

Teaching Yoga At Last

I am officially employed. Even though I completed my yoga teacher training in January, my national certification took months to process and didn't become official until May. Then, alas, I got pregnant and was sick all summer, making teaching in the evenings about the last thing I wanted to do. Now that I am very obviously pregnant, I wondered how I could teach a yoga class without looking ridiculous. The solution was so easy; teach a Prenatal Yoga class! This is a class I have been interested in teaching ever since I became involved with yoga, and of course now in my current state it makes perfect sense. So, with a little paperwork, interviewing, and preparation, Granite Peaks School District was kind enough to hire me to teach their first ever Prenatal Yoga class. Luckily, I am in the baby capital of the world, so hopefully I will have a good turn-out.

My class starts in just a few weeks, and I will run a brief 4-week trial session before the holidays. Then I will start up full swing in January and run a few longer sessions (and have a baby somewhere in there). So, if you know of anyone in the Salt Lake area who is expecting and would benefit from this class, please pass the word on! Here is the flyer with all of the information:

Beach Night

When we visit Michigan, there are always a lot of activities, people, and favorite restaurants to cram into the time we are here. Some of our top priorities usually include Fricano's Thin Crust Pizza and Lake Michigan. We combined the two during this trip and had a picnic dinner at the beautiful lakefront. It was Blake's first visit to the beach and he loved having the sand between his toes. He "helped" Jorden dig a hole and build a sand castle.

He squatted in the sand to make lines with a stick.

His grandpa carried him on his shoulders.

His grandma buried his feet in the sand.

My brother was curious about yoga so I showed him some poses. It turns out that the sand is not the easiest place to balance.

I tried to help him get into a pose called Birds of Paradise.

He got pretty close. He had the arm wrap down pat.

Blake loved the water. He had a hard time understanding why he couldn't go all the way in. He walked up and down the shore and was completely fascinated with the waves washing up against his toes. He did not love, however, when the dry sand clung to his wet feet. That's my little Mr. Clean.

Another beach highlight for Blake was filling up a bucket with twigs, dumping them out and handing them to me, moving the bucket to a new location, and starting the process all over again. He repeated this cycle at least twenty times.

Blake loved to point out and chase the "ducks" (seagulls).

The beach wore us out so my brother and I crashed on Blake's carseat on the way home. It made a good pillow.

Apparently my little non-car sleeper wasn't worn out at all. He jabbered away on his cell phone all the way home.

Zona

Blake and I stayed through the week in Arizona. We enjoyed more of our favorite activities (beyond the meals). We swam, sunbathed, took long walks in the stroller, ate dinner on the patio, and got together with AZ friends.

One of my absolute favorite perks was that I was able to attend a yoga class every single day at my favorite studio. I earned 25 free classes by completing my teacher training in January, so I wanted to use up some of the classes up while I was in town. I was thinking about when I would feasibly have a lifestyle where I could attend a yoga studio every day. It could easily be more than a decade before our children are all in school and I have free time. So, I definitely took advantage while I was there and had a willing sitter. One day I even went twice. It lit the yoga spark within me again, and as soon as I get my certification from the National Yoga Alliance (it's taking forever), I want to start teaching.

Overall, we had a wonderful time and can't wait to go back to our "second home" again. Blake must be getting confused about where he lives, considering all the time we have been spending there in recent months. He instantly remembered some of his favorite gadgets in the house, such as the fans, the light switches, the lamps, the stairs, and the water fountains in the pool.

He still loves water and even tolerates wearing a hat if he can splash and kick.

Blake has very cute hat hair.

Blake's Grandma and Grandpa got very attached to him again.

We hit the town for some delicious Italian Gelato.

We also found a puppy walking by the fountain that Blake thoroughly enjoyed. Too bad his mom is anti-animals because Blake would love to have a pet.

Our trip home was a little crazy. We darted through the airport to barely catch our plane due to a freeway closure on the way. Blake showed a true mark of super genius on the plane though. He immediately pulled out all of the magazines and safety pamphlets from the seat pockets, and we looked at the back of a magazine that had a picture of a pretzel on it before takeoff. Half way into the flight, the flight attendant gave us a bag of pretzels. The pile of magazines was completely buried in toys and snacks. However, Blake rummaged through the pile, found the magazine with the picture of a pretzel, and put the pretzels in his hand onto the picture. What a smart connection!

Troy was excited to welcome us home since he had to go back early to avoid using vacation days. He broke through with the first grilling event of the season, and deemed the moment picture worthy. We had his parents and sister over for dinner and enjoyed the start of many summer cookouts.

My Yoga Journey

Why do people come to yoga? Some go to become more focused and to learn about their inner selves. Some go to improve strength and flexibility. Some go to increase circulation in their bodies and release toxins. Some go to let go of stress, chaos, worry, and fear. Some go to live in the present. Some go for a spiritual practice. Some go simply to feel better. Regardless of the reasons why people come to yoga, they all have to do with change.

One part of yoga, of course, is physical poses. However, yoga is much more than exercise. By holding difficult poses on the mat, people learn how to be calm in uncomfortable situations in life where they might otherwise flee, yield, or fight. Instead of becoming slaves to external situations, people are able to take in the situation and decide how to react with discrimination. By learning to lengthen and calm the breath, people learn to calm the mind and get rid of all the chatter that goes on in the head. They may not make the connection that they transferred the knowledge they learned from yoga to situations in their lives. However, regardless of whether the knowledge is conscious or subconscious, a change occurs within those that regularly practice yoga that helps them to live more calmly and with more awareness of their actions and emotions.


My teacher training with At One Yoga was incredible. I learned so much, but as with any new endeavor, I definitely recognized my weaknesses as well. I went into it thinking I was pretty good at yoga, and found that I often needed to adjust my alignment and fix my posture. I was humbled and my ego went right out the door (which was a good thing). I have been teaching children for years, but when I practiced teaching yoga to a group of adults, I was a complete bundle of nerves. I stumbled over my words and lacked confidence.

I feel like I have grown so much in this last month in both my own practice and my teaching confidence. I have still only scratched the surface and have a long way to go, but I have the satisfaction of leaving a little smarter, a little stronger, a little more flexible, and a lot more enlightened on the ancient practice of yoga.


Besides gaining in depth knowledge about yoga anatomy, pose adjustments, Sanskrit (the language of yoga), yoga philosophy, and different forms of yoga, here are some of the most valuable things I took away from my education:

• "I offer what I have to offer." When teaching, I have to be true to my own personality, my own talents, and my own limitations. Trying to imitate another teacher and be just like them will not only be fake, but will not attract students to my class. If I find my own niche, then people will be naturally drawn to my class because I am being real.
• I have to accept that I will not be a master teacher at first. This is hard for me with my perfectionist nature, but I have to work on incorporating one thing at a time, and know that I will get better.
• Teaching yoga is about the students, not about me. I should not be worrying if people will like me, if my words are completely fluid, if my poses are perfect, if my music is good, and if I am doing it right.
• One of the most important things I learned is best put by the yogi, T.K.V Desikachar:

"We have to pursue our career, gain qualifications, and do everything else that is part of normal life. All these things should be done as well as possible. Yet, we can never be sure of the fruit of our actions. That is why it is better to become slightly detached from our expectations and to pay more attention to the actions themselves."

I find this to be completely in line with a recent admonition we were given by a leader of our church.

"This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now." -President Thomas S. Monson

This is the great journey of my life - to enjoy each moment and to live in the present. To let go of things that are unimportant and surrender my will to God's will. Along with my own spiritual beliefs, I have found yoga to be one more tool to help me in that very endeavor. I have found that yoga is a spiritual practice with physical side effects. I hope to be able to share the wonderful knowledge I have gained to help lift the lives of others.

Spontaneity

I am currently engaged in one of the most spontaneous things I have ever done. I am completing an intense 200 hour yoga teacher training program in Scottsdale, Arizona.

I have only been consistently practicing yoga for about two years, but I have loved the transition that yoga has given me coming from a dance and gymnastics background. Yoga has allowed me to relax and calm my mind that is generally rigid and reliant on a tightly planned out schedule, as well as improve the flexibility that I once had and the strength that I have never had. I did yoga through my whole pregnancy and found great benefits there, and I find that I now crave the practice. I came home from every class and told Troy how much I loved the escape that it gave me, how wonderful it felt, and how much I wanted to become a yoga teacher someday.

Last Thursday, out of the blue, we began talking more seriously about me completing a yoga teacher certification. I told Troy that I might look into a summer training program, so that I could find a high-schooler to watch Blake during the day. Troy came up with the idea of looking into trainings in the Phoenix area, since my parents could watch Blake and there would probably be more studios there.

On Friday, I did an online search to find schools registered with the National Yoga Alliance. Phoenix did have a lot more studios than Salt Lake City, but most studios only offered 7 months of weekend teacher trainings, which of course would not work. I stumbled upon one studio that offered a rapid month long training (Mon thru Sat, from 8am to 4pm), but only in July, when my parents wouldn't be in Arizona. I called the studio to see if they knew of anyone else in the area that might offer a rapid program in February or March, and they informed me that they had a rapid program starting on Monday, and that it wasn't too late to register!

I forgot about the whole idea until Troy came home from work and asked me what I had found out. I knew there was no way I could pack up in one day, drive to Arizona the next day, and be ready for class on Monday. Troy said, "why not?" He has been incredibly supportive about this whole idea (which was actually his idea), and he pointed out that we had nothing going on in January. He made a whole list of convincing points. He reminded me that Blake is at a perfect age for me to not have to be with him all day since he is mostly weaned, we are in-between babies, it is a great time to get out of the snow, and it would just get harder and harder to complete in years to come.

He was so supportive of me fulfilling one of my dreams, even though it meant leaving him alone for an entire month.

I called my parents and presented them with my crazy idea. They were absolutely thrilled about watching Blake for a month. The only thing left to do was enroll for training. I freaked out a little because I hadn't even taken down Christmas decorations, unpacked gifts, or packed anything for Blake and me, but I let it all go and jumped right in (which is what yoga is all about, right?). It wasn't as bad as I had anticipated to get packed and de-Christmased on Saturday. Troy even surprised me with babysitters (aka his parents) who just showed up and let us go out for dinner before I left for a month. On Sunday morning, Blake and I loaded the car and completed the eleven hour road trip to Arizona. He was actually a very good traveling buddy, which I was very concerned about since I was doing it alone. He made it through most of the day completely happy and content.

So, here I am! I am training with some of the best teachers in the nation, who have learned the yoga practice through direct lines from India. I am getting an amazing education and although I miss Blake terribly during the day, I know that he is in great hands and I never have to worry about a thing. This is probably the most spontaneous, most spur-of-the-moment thing I have ever done. But, it is an incredible opportunity, and I have the best husband in the world to back me up one hundred percent.

Yoga

I have always wanted to become a yoga instructor. I found my first student.

Downward Facing Dog.

Hip Opener.

Happy Baby.

Cobra.

Cow pose.

Plank.

Forward Lunge.

Triangle Pose.

Forward Fold.

Spinal Twist.

Namaste.