Christmas and the New Year

I'm not going to sugar-coat it. This Christmas was a mix of exhaustion and unmet expectations and family drama and sickness (still) and tears and the loss of dreams resurfacing all over again. 

I'm mostly just glad it's all over with, especially now that I have the stomach flu while being 6 months pregnant, not one Christmas decoration has been put away yet, my house is begging to be re-organized, our cupboards and fridge are bare, I'm behind at work, and I have a growing list of things I need to do for the new year in Primary.

I'm grateful for the fresh start that a new year holds, even though I have yet to put concrete goals and new dreams into writing.

It'll all happen eventually, I suppose. I'm trying to not be too hard on myself. Especially since I can't get out of bed even if I wanted to.

Thankfully, our boys were too excited about the magic of Christmas to notice the fragile state our family was in. I'm so grateful for their youthful innocence. I don't think I'll ever tire of their anticipation and excitement for Christmas morning. It's one of the best parts about being a parent. Both a distraction from our trials and a reminder about what matters most.

They remind me over and over that life is about second chances.

I'm excited for a Christmas do-over twelve months from now.

And I'm hopeful about what 2013 will offer.

Finding Balance

Every so often I receive emails that ask questions like "How do you do it all?" which make me laugh and cause me to think at the same time. As I strive to fulfill my roles as a wife + mother and nurture the desire in me to grow, learn and progress, a balancing act ensues. Some days I think to myself, "Today has been good!" while others I realize I have been very short-fused and unfocused on the things that matter most. Obviously I don't do it all. No one does. We're all trying to strike the balance. We're all trying to figure it out.

I started doing web design about 6 months ago and feel proud of what I have accomplished in such a short amount of time. With that being said, at times I have this nagging feeling that I am failing my children because they often have a distracted mom that is trying to reply to emails while scouring design inspiration all while reviewing a mental to-do list. 

This is what every day is like. I knew that working would involve time, energy, sacrifice and the eternal loss of sleep. However, I did not want to jump into my own personal success story at the expense of what matters most to me: My family. 

Sometimes the "mommy-guilt" creeps in and I feel as though I'm not matching up. I'm not matching up to my own silly standards. Standards that I've set from my associations with other mothers and the overflowing number of perfect mothers I seem to come across through blogs and Pinterest.

I tend to get caught up in the mentality that I can do it all. I want to take beautiful pictures, cook decent dinners, redecorate my home, plan detailed parties, play with my children, pay attention to my husband, have quiet spiritual moments for myself, fold mounds of laundry, stay in the loop of my social scene and in addition spend hours working on the computer. And I can do every single one of those things. But not all at the same time.

So, this summer, I'm cutting back a little on design work. I'm establishing better boundaries. I am going to set aside time to work each day, but also set aside time to blow bubbles outside, write on the driveway with chalk and maybe even run a few miles at the gym, maybe…

Here's to a simple and content summer!