The Worst Birthday Ever

To anyone that asked me how my birthday was this year, I answered, "fine." But this is the real story:

My birthday was on Labor Day, back at the beginning of September. It should have been great. Since it fell on a holiday, Troy didn't have to work, and our really good friends were spending the weekend with us at the cabin.

At the end of the day, Troy asked me, "In your 28 years, which birthday has gone down as the worst?"

It was more of a rhetorical question, since we already knew the answer. It was one of the worst days of my life, not to mention that it was my birthday. But we had a good laugh at the end of the day about everything that turned out to be a disaster:

• We woke up really early because we had tickets to ride on the local train. The train ride included a 7:30am breakfast before boarding. Early mornings are not great for me, and when we arrived we discovered that it was still cold outside, our kids complained endlessly because they had shorts on, and we had to wait in line for 40 minutes for a sub-par breakfast served by high school student volunteers.


• The actual train ride was fine. Probably the only thing that wasn't a disaster the whole day. Surprisingly, I didn't get sick.


• We went out with our friends to lunch at a Mexican place that we loved over the summer. Nash screamed the entire way there because we didn't have his nie-night. The blood-curdling variety.


• When we pulled into the parking lot, Troy's backseat car window would not roll up. Not with power and not even manually. It is still cracked open to this day.


• When everyone got their food, I was informed that they didn't have the soup I ordered (trying to keep it bland), so I had to order something else. Of course. I learned later that day that anything with the tiniest bit of spice is the worst thing to come back up (in addition to salad).


• Our kids were basketcases after lunch so we went back to the cabin for naps. I received several "Happy Birthday" phone calls at that point. My favorite; my in-laws and sister and brother-in-law who were all in Hawaii calling to say, "We're on our way to Honolulu to go surfing! What are you doing today?" "Um nothing. Trying not to puke my guts out for more than an hour and wishing that my house would magically be clean when I get back home."


• Troy gave me my birthday present - a new flat iron that he ordered because it was "such a great deal" while I was in the room with all of our friends during our Michigan getaway. Which I wrapped myself in the same gift bag that contained the present for his birthday two weeks earlier. We're not big on surprises, and I wasn't expecting my birthday to be anything special this year, but it was still a tad disappointing.


• I then went through several rounds of hovering over the porcelain bowl, tears streaming down my face because it was so awful and painful. Troy was asleep on the couch.


• It always takes forever to pack up all of our stuff and groceries and make sure everything is clean and fresh sheets are on all the beds before leaving the cabin. Our friends did a ton of the work before they had to leave, but we still had to tie up loose ends and I was so sick that all I could do was lay on the floor.


• It was at that point that our boys began to break down again. Blake had the umpteenth messy accident in his pants for the weekend, and Nash walked into the pantry, grabbed a box of Lucky Charms, and dumped the entire box on the nice cloth ottoman.


• Nash then proceeded to carry out the biggest tantrum I've ever witnessed in my life. Laying on the floor kicking, screaming, and scooting anyway from anyone who came near him. He was inconsolable - not that I was in a consoling mood. Instead, I just laid on the floor with him and covered my head with a pillow for 45 minutes to drown out the noise.


• We finally made it out of the cabin an hour and a half later. When we got in the car, I asked Troy, "Do you sometimes think; I can't believe this my life?" He laughed and replied, "Wife is crying, kids are crying, hate my broken car..."


• Upon driving through the winding canyon, I lost it again in my handy airplane barf bag. I keep those in stock in my purse and all glove compartments.


• We picked up dinner from Zupa's (my favorite, even though it was long past the dinner hour) on the way home since I had literally had nothing left in my stomach. It tasted good for about two seconds until I lost that too.


• The house never got cleaned (even though that was my only birthday request), and I finally gave up on the day and went to bed around 9pm.

And that was how it went down this year. Even though it was awful, I don't think any birthday from here on out could be worse (knock on wood). And that is the only reason why I want to remember it. And for the sake of keeping it real :)

Troy did bring home flowers the next day to try to repair the damage.